What are you looking to do?
by Kaitos-V-ibrator
Summary: Set in a bit of a time skip, Thomas is thinking about his future as a pro-duelist, and where he wants to go with it. How he copes with all his failures, and whether or not his identity as a pro-duelist really suits him anymore /Hints of Rio/Thomas and Fuuya/Michael


Sighing a bit wearily to himself as he readied his pack for another trip away from home, Thomas looked down at his duel disc and bit at his lips lightly.

The next couple weeks would be filled with fans, careless duels, and plane trips.

Oh boy, plane trips.

His extensive text conversations with one he had not seen himself becoming close with, Rio

Kamishiro, had significantly brightened up his trips away.

It wasn't like he liked her or anything, just that she was kind of a cool person to talk to now and again. She too was looking to straighten up her path down the duel highway, and with her quick qit and talent, the young girl was quickly becoming more popular with the press.

The two were trapped in an awkward little world that consisted of each other and their close family. It was hard to make connections outside their inner circles given the uncomfortable admiration given by complete strangers.

But together it was something really quite nice to have.

Having gone through literally hell itself together, the two had something of a common ground to work from.

Rio had too much pride to speak openly about the indcident with the fire with Ryouga or anyone else in fear of coming off weak. That and she felt puting any extra worry on those closest to her was absolutely out of the picture.

She was Rio Goddamn Kamishiro, she'd been lit on fire and lived to tell the tale.

Yet the nightmares were still there.

The fear still inked it's way into their minds, and that at least, was something they could share.

After Thomas' somewhat too formal apology for hurting her, Rio was quick to dismiss this and take him down in a duel.

She had been wanting a rematch for quite some time now, and now that she was on her feet,

Thomas was going down.

But his defeat was too quick for her, though the duel did last several rounds.

With her insistance in challenging him again and again, the two found themselves spending more and more time together.

It was a nice kind of break from casual admirors, or family. Family always came first of course, but there were some things you just couldnt discuss with those who held you so close.

Rio and Thomas grew to respect each others strength, and it that over the course of many months, had become casual aquaintences if nothing else. Teasing and prodding the elder was quick to become one of Rio's favorite hobbies, and as Ryouga too grew more comfortable around the man, they joined forces to torment him on a friendly level.

Rio was something in Thomas' life he had never expected to find. A kind of friend that was close, but no one he had to worry about bestowing his affections upon.

He just couldn't entirely forgive himself for all his sins. For all the pain and suffering he had caused so many, it left him with a bitter kind of self hatred he had been trying to squash down for as long as he was born.

Inadaquete compared to his brothers, reckless and dangerous to others. It all seeped into his cheery mask and slowly worked it's way at his soul,

But he was finding ways to make up for all that.

Better to atone than give up entirely for himself. He'd pay for all the shit he'd done when he got to hell, so may as well work on making himself worth the air he breathed.

Shaking off the building perilous thoughts, Thomas chucked his duel disc into his bag and sat down to think for a moment.

It wasn't that he didn't enjoy dueling, it was actually one of the few things he could do and feel good about. Something he was actually good at.

But all the traveling and crowds had a tendency to get to him.

He just didn't like being that person anymore. Was it so bad to want to make up for this, use his talent to help other people?

He wasn't some special kid like that Yuma kid that could duel and make people smile, but he wanted his actions to mean something more. More than just showing off for the crowds and showing off his phoniest smile.

Stretching down to grab his worn sketch pad from his bag, Thomas had to dig around for about a minute in search of one of the pencils at the bottom of his bag.

He deffientely would not consider himself an artist or even that good at drawing. He just liked scribbling around a bit and making things out of nothing. It was something he could do personally for himself without having to worry about what anyone else thought.

He recalled Chris scolding him when he was younger not to waste so much paper on silly little drawings, but figured he didn't need to let that hurt his feelings anymore.

It had really torn him up at that age to hear the man he admired most to tell him something he was so proud of was basically trash to him, but he had since learned not to take Chris' critisisms too seriously.

He'd go crazy if he did.

But he kept to his work for the simple reason that little Michael had always gushed and giggled in awe when his older brother would draw him something specially for him.

It gave Thomas a sense of confidence he needed at a young age, though he seldom shared his work with anyone other than his younger brother.

It was a nice release, and he could sheepishly admit to himself time and again every few years how he had improved from when he was younger.

It was something he liked. He didn't have to be the best at it, or even good at it. It was just something for him to enjoy. And that was a nice thing to have in his kind of life.

Tapping the pencil down to make a few choice flecks across the background of the page,

Thomas looked up briefly as a knock sounded from his door.

"Umm, may I come in, Thomas?" He instantly recognized Fuuya's voice brimming from behind the wooden door.

"Door's open, kid," He responded cooly, not bothering to hide his book as he would if Chris were to come by. Fuuya seemed to be impressed by his doodles anyways, it was always kind of neat seeing him fluster like that.

"Thank you!" Now this was weird. Fuuya sounded a bit more high pitched and nervous than usual. The young boy had grown quite well into the family over the years, initally as Michael's quiet little friend, and soon into Michael's little boyfriend.

The term really didn't suit the two though. They were more like best friends that he caught burning red when they touched hands.

It was cute enough, and as warry as Thomas was to trust Michael with anyone else, this timid young boy seemed to make the perfect fit for his little brother.

He felt for the kid too.

He didn't have much of a family, and his mother was rarely around as it was. The kid was still the sweetest thing you could find around though, and Thomas had to respect his character.

"Come for some kissing lessons? Hope you didn't eat anything sour for lunch," Instantly perking up as the younger did a double take in fear, Thomas' winning smile soon had him frowning over at him.

"No, I don't—"

"What, you don't want to be a good enough kisser for my baby brother? You think you're already good enough for him?" Cackling away as he slung his arm around the younger boy in reassurance, Thomas took Fuuya's pouting glower as responce enough.

"No, see, I was wondering since—well, you're going away soon, aren't you?" He questioned carefully, noticing the sudden light flicker out of Thomas' eyes.

"Huh? Yeah, just for a couple weeks though. Can't leave you alone with my brother, might elope or something." Quick to pick up his previous demenor, Thomas couldn't help but feel a faint wave of gratitude as Fuuya's face stayed frowning.

So the kid could tell he was acting? Well he was an actor, so he shouldn't be surprised.

"Well…I-I'm really no one to speak, but umm…you don't seem too happy about it?"

Looking over at the younger, Thomas felt his heart constrict as the other flinched from his hard gaze.

No, don't glare at the kids Thomas.

"Well it's…you know, the job kid." He tried to smooth out, shooting him a bit of a smile to make up for leering at him before.

It was fucking impossible to be mean to this kid. He was just too—tiny and cute looking, it wasn't fair.

"Well…what do you want to do, then?" Fuuya couldn't help but prod, wondering how someone as cool as Thomas could hold back like this. He had always seen the older Arclight as charasmatic and daring, everything he hoped to be.

"…it doesn't matter what 'I want to do', kid." He couldn't help but bluster out a big bitterly, picking up his pencil to eye it casually.

"Of course it does! Thomas, you're one of the nicest people I know and you shouldn't hold back because you think you can't do it! I-you know, being an actor there are always a lot of set backs, but I never give up. L-like Yuma taught me, just keep trying!" Feeling himself miserably terrible at giving pep-talks, Fuuya feared he was just making Thomas even more angry.

Gazing down at his hands as he spoke, Thomas felt a bit of a bittersweet smile play across his face,

This kid was speaking like he…just kind of got things? How was that even possible…but too idealistic.

"Listen, it's just—it's not realistic. That whole, "follow your dreams" kinda thing, you know?"

"Why sit around stuck doing something that makes you miserable?"

"It's a job. You do what you're good at to get by, that's life kid."

"Well…what kind of life is that to live? I mean…it'll be hard, but you'll be happy. It's not like it's unrealistic or anything, I bet you could find something you really like!"

Not really sure how to answer properly, Thomas felt his mind wander to the silly idea he entertained some late, tired nights.

"I…dunno, I…kinda wanna…" Feeling foolish for allowing himself to open up in the slightest,

Thomas couldn't help but feel encouraged by Fuuya's sparkling little smile.

Damn, he really was just a little kid.

"Yeah?"

Sighing heavily, Thomas spun his pencil on the tops of his fingers idly. What was the point in voicing these kinds of stupid dreams?

"You know, I really should get going, alright?" Feeling himself hate himself for making that poor little kid wilt from Thomas' dismissive tone, Thomas rubbed his head and kissed his forehead a bit roughly. "I'll keep what you said in mind—thanks." Grinning down at him, pleased that the smile had reappeared, Fuuya nodded up at Thomas in thanks.

"Sorry, I-I'm just a dumb kid and—"

"Wow, don't talk about my baby brother's little boyfriend like that." Not able to help but smirk down at the wise little guy, Thomas shrugged his bag over his shoulder and hurried out of the room. Ah, dammit, he wasn't going to tear up over something as stupid as this.

Tossing his pencil back into his bag, Thomas was quick to realize he had left his sketch book in his room. As he turned back to swing open the door again, he felt his heart jolt in a mixture of fear and appreication as he found Fuuya oggling his sketch book with excited eyes.

"You know, there's not that much porn in there, kid," He couldn't help but startle the other, giving him a final wave and heading off without it.

"U-umm, d-don't you want this back—" Fuuya flustered, only to be cut off with a simple shake of Thomas' head.

"Keep it, it's an old one anyways." Trying to rub the smile off his face, Thomas met Michael directly in the hall with a grin that made his cheeks ache.

"Well, someone looks happy," Michael grinned back in less confusion and more relief that his brother was so openly smiling.

"Yeah, that someone would be your boyfriend. Better go make sure he's not getting himself in any trouble," Dragging his arm around Michael's neck and squishing a firm kiss on his head,

Thomas held the hug for an instant longer before he released the younger to get going.

It would be something to think about, if nothing else. It was…kind of nice to hear it from someone else, even if he didn't really believe it himself.

It was kinda cool to have someone who believed in you.


End file.
